I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself
I will not use my LJ to justify myself

I like having a garden.
I planted all of my "full sun" seeds, my giant pumpkin seeds and my little pumpkin seeds.
I have a bunch of crazy looking flowers that aren't full sun and I need to figure out something for those ones in my garden... maybe I'll build something. I can't wait for it to blossom... its going to be amazing. Then I can sit in my garden while reading books and pretend I am Alice and its a wonderland.
I also got ambushed by my grandparents lawn keeper guys. Good thing I don't tan nakey!

"Obviously the job market isn't going to get any better so you we don' t want you to drive the car around wasting gas trying to find a job anymore."

I realize that I will have like 3 friends and I am perfectly ok with that.
I know I said this before with my grandparents house, but in a different city and stuff I will actually have to keep and maintain a good paying job in order to not have to do the walk of shame all the way back to Reno.
I can't wait to have a job and a place of my own and not have to worry about going out or meeting up with friends. I know that sounds harsh and sad but I let my friends and party habits keep me from doing what I need to do. I know that it is Vegas and my little partier self would be expected to get caught up, but I don't worry about that part.
I am ready to be a growed up. I'm ready to get outta Reno and never look back.


Now all I need a stupid job so I can make it down here.

1. a picture of you in your room.



2. a picture with someone you don't actually like.

The middle one...

3. a picture of you very drunk.



4. a picture on your birthday.



5. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.

Not too young



6. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.



7. a picture of you making a goofy face.



8. a picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive.




9. a picture of a night you regret.

I regret not wearing panties that night


10. a picture of you truly being yourself.



11. the most recent picture of you.



12. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.



13. a picture of you showing off your new hair cut/color.



14. a picture of a time in your life that's over & you wish wasn't.

RIP Jesse Ray<3


15. a picture of a time in your life that's over & you couldn't be more thankful

Stupid Knuckleheads



16. a picture of you when you were anything but happy.




17. a picture that you had no idea was being taken.



18. a picture of when you were a different person than you are now.



19. a picture of you with someone you love.

2 loves


20. a picture of how you'd like the world to see you.



21. a picture of you in a cool place.



22. a picture of a time when everything was changing.



23. a picture that makes your heart hurt.



24. a picture that makes your heart smile.



25. a picture that's one of the best nights of your life.

and it blew up in my face.

At least it hurts less when it happens now.

Play the game right back. Don't let them know that you know that they are playing the game. Just play it better... ~Katelyn Hoffman

So what's really wrong with me?

I just realized that it was Friday. Upon doing so I was filled with anxiety. I can't shake it and I feel like I am going to explode. My grandpa told me that I need to start staying home and take care of my puppy (I will elaborate more in a bit) and that my Dad suggested my being kicked out because I am out of work. Genius logic right? (I will elaborate secondly)
My grandparents are the proud owners of 3 always barking dogs that range from 6 to 3 years old. My grandma brings the 2 youngest out at 7:30 each morning and feeds them breakfast and lets them out for their morning tinkle. My puppy was scared of everything in the house minus myself for a good period of time and the mornings were not a problem because she would sleep until I got up or wake me so I would let her out then we would go back to bed. I went on a small vacation to Vegas at the begining of the year which forced my puppy to get over her fear and boy did she. Now she is let out of my room every morning around 7:30 with the other dogs and fed and let out. Along with being fed treats and table scraps at night by my grandparents. My grandpa has brought up taking care of my own dog twice this week and I am very lost at what I am supposed to do. When I go to the mail box (not at the end of the driveway but down the street community type one) I take her with me on a small walk. It has been too cold for a long walk but that is weather pending. I also pay loads of attention to her and keep her in my room as much as possible. I obviously can wake up at 7:30 and stand around watching my grandma make their food. (yes I said make) and open the door to let them out. Then I could lock her in my room while I'm in there and deny her play time with the others. I can also feed her off my plate (which I refuse to do but allow my grandpa to because he enjoys it so much) at nights. She sleeps in my room when I am at home which is honestly 90% or more of the time. When I am not home I asked that she sleep in their room due to her being a theif and chewer of small things and its not safe for her to stay in my room alone. So I am highly confused on what I am supposed to do when it comes to taking care of my dog with all things mentioned. If you see something that is missing or have any suggestions as of further things I could do please tell me. I am also aware of the fact that I could make the dogs food myself in the morning but my grandma enjoys that part. They also enjoy my dogs company so much and tell me every little story and have even given her their own nicknames. I honestly don't understand what else I can do without denying them my puppy all together which would be unfair to all parties mention. I want to rip my hair out because my mind is so boggled and I feel like an awful person because I can not think of a logical fix to this issue.
Now on to my dad. I don't have the energy to write that whole story but basically my grandpa plays the middle man for the critisim from my dad onto me. He will talk to me about all the fun things he is doing and whatnot but when it comes to my not having a job, not calling him, should be kicked out so on and so forth he talks to my grandpa who in return tells me which makes me angry that my own dad can not tell me these things or give me a chance to explain myself since he doesn't ask. Its a very unsettling feeling to have a two faced dad. I use that term loosely as I would with a friendship. This behavior has been going on since I was about 13 years old and he has forgotten who is the adult inthe midst of his mid-life crisis. I can't fully describe my feelings on this subject but I had to vent.
If you read this, you are a trooper. Or bored. Either way, thanks.

silver platters don't even work anymore. . .

A pen and lined paper.

I still enjoy friends posts.

To know that these 2 would always be happy. . .

Please stop reproducing! Geez!














*people I went to school with.

Weird how Across The Universe is pretty much like The Wall just less trippy and self destructive. Nighty night.

told you so. Here's to empty words and promises from drunks. Cheers fuckers.

Please don't make me say I told you so. . .


Please. . .

Can you hear them
They talk about us
Telling lies
Well that's no surprise

Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield
No secrets to reveal

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed

Careless talk
Through paper walls
We can't stop them
Only laugh at them

Spreading rumors
So far from true
Dragged up from the underworld
Just like some precious pearl

It doesn't matter what they say
In the jealous games people play
Our lips are sealed
Pay no mind to what they say
It doesn't matter anyway
Our lips are sealed

There's a weapon
We must use
In our defense
Silence

When you look at them
Look right through them
That's when they'll disappear
That's when you'll be feared

Hush, my darling
Don't you cry
Quiet, angel
Forget their lies

The Go-Go's Our Lips Are Sealed.

RIP Jesse Ray. You are my favorite dance partner and neighbor. Too many fun times and there were so many more to come. I miss you so much. Skate in peace Jesse. Love you always.

If I had any money I would go shopping today. The crowds can't be that bad. . . it's only Reno. Plus the sales are rad. Anyway, good morning. I still haven't left bed but I am extremely tempted to go exploring to find out what that yummy smell is. Happy black friday!

and thats the damn truth. Especially for me. I faked one with some bronzer and I'm not gonna lie. . .I'd hit it.


Happy Turkey day. I have to say that I don't mind holidays as much when spent with my mom and her bf or just her side in general. My dads side is nuts and can't make it through a meal without a fight and did I mention the tension could be cuz with a knife?!

Anywho, all dressed up and no where to go. . .
you know the rest.


Seee yah!